Who to tell

I don't know who to tell

I feel so shitty right now because of you. The past days we were talking consistently, you call me, i call you, you update me when you're up, when you're going home. Then suddenly last night, you were MIA. You didn't reply to my message, you didn't call me when you were going home. You were gone.

And i hate that i can't ask you, i can't be mad at you for not replying and i definitely cannot require you to give me updates. I hate it. I don't get you. But why can't i just let you go. What the fuck is wrong with me.

All my friends have urged me to forget you, they've all told me that i deserve better. That you are a piece of shit. That you're using me to feed your ego, to make you feel good about yourself. That you are one selfish bitch who does not deserve my love and my attention. I bet they're right. But i am stupid. Have i become a masochist?

How much more can i take? How much more can i endure? You post one thing on ig, i get all jealous and shit but i can't confront you about it. And that sucks for me because i get jealous all the time. So aside from the jealousy, i also get the frustration of not being able to confront you about it. What the actual fuck is wrong with me.